Hate That I Love You
by merder4everandever
Summary: Is it possible to love two people, or is loving one hard enough? Merder and Mermark.
1. Prolouge

**A/N: Soooo I had this inspiration to write a merder/mermark fic for some strange reason. So I thought, why not go for it. And I love both of the couples so both of them will definitely be involved. But in the end…I'm not sure!**

* * *

Plot: Mark, Derek, and Meredith have been friends forever. But, what happens when Meredith finds herself falling in love with _both_ of them? Hmmm, oh the drama!

* * *

Her wet hair stuck to her flushed cheeks as she hid behind the bushes. Mark slid right next to her, splashing mud all over her black pants. 

"MARK! Watch it!" she giggled as she directed the flashlight towards Derek. "I can not believe we're doing this."

Mark snatched the flashlight from Meredith and called up to Derek, "MAKE SURE TO HANG THE PANTIES REALLY HIGH ON THE FLAGPOLE!"

Derek shrugged his shoulders as he attempted to climb the ten foot pole. "We shouldn't have done this in the RAIN! You two are idiots!"

Meredith slowly ran up to Derek and grabbed the panties. "Do these still say may name on the tag?"

"No, you checked remember?"

"Good, but Derek here's a tip…use the _ladder _you forced Mark and I to bring!"

"But I might slip."

"Quit being a baby! I'll do it…" She snatched the ladder from the side then quickly started to climb it, clutching the panties in her hand.

"MEREDITH! Are you crazy?! YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED!" Derek screamed up to her. But, she didn't care. This was their senior year! She had been waiting to pull this prank every since she found out about it. She was not backing down now.

"Shut it will ya?! They might hear us!" she warned.

She saw Mark quickly leave his spot behind the bush. "Meredith! GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

"I'M FINE!"

Suddenly, her foot slipped and she lost her balance, falling off the ladder and landing right into Derek's arms. Her breath was heavy as she lay in his arms stunned. "Oh my God…" Derek and Mark said almost instantly.

"That was…" Meredith began, "AMAZING!"

"What?!" Mark and Derek exclaimed.

"It was eight feet guys, not that high up."

"You still could've gotten hurt," Mark stated concern etched on his face.

"You two are such worry-warts…come on let's go home."

The two shrugged then followed Meredith off campus. Even though she could be extremely bossing and irritating, they both loved her like a sister. They met in eighth grade and had been best friends ever since. Nothing would ever tare them apart. At school they were known as the Three Musketeers or the Three Amigos, and almost everyone envied them. They were a family, and in high school, most kids never had that.

"I should've video taped that. I could have put it on my myspace page or the school website. Mer, people would pay millions to see you fall off a ladder," Mark smugly said.

She grinned. "That's because I'm so special. You two are lucky to have me."

Derek shook his head. "You know, just cause you think we're complete jackasses, doesn't mean we actually are."

"Hmmm, now there I have to take Mer's side," Mark said, a smile plastered to his face.

* * *

"Say cheese!" Mrs. Shepherd said as she snapped a shot of Derek, Meredith, and Mark in their graduation gowns. "Aw, you guys look so cute! And Meredith, you look so beautiful!" 

Derek rolled his eyes and felt his cheeks redden. "MOM!"

"Okay, okay…sorry!"

As Mrs. Shepherd turned the corner, she smiled to herself. Meredith had been Derek and Mark's friend for forever, but she was completely oblivious to the feelings both boys shared for her. She thought it was adorable, and would always try to pry it out of Derek. But of course, like most guys, denial worked for him.

"SING US A SONG YOU'RE THE PAINO MAN!" Mark belted into a microphone for his graduation speech. "SING US A SONG TONIGHTTTT! CAUSE WE'RE ALL IN THE MOOD FOR A MELODY! AND YOU'VE GOT US FEELING ALRIGHT!"

Meredith turned towards Derek. "Please tell me that he is not singing Billy Joel in front of hundreds of people."

"What did you expect Meredith," Derek laughed, "He's MARK!"

"Yeah but I figured on graduation he could be a little more, I don't know, normal!"

Derek chuckled then stared into the green eyes of a girl he's known for so long, yet still barely knew. Meredith was like a mystery. Even when he first met her he couldn't figure it out. She was very closed off and wouldn't let you in even if you tried. But, maybe that's what attracted him to her so much. She was a puzzle, and all he had to do was try and fit the pieces together.

After Mark finished belting his poorly performed song, Meredith was up next. She smiled at Derek. "Wish me luck!"

He squeezed her hand then mouthed: good luck.

As she stepped up to the mike, her heart quickened. She wasn't a big fan of public speaking, and rarely ever gave speeches. Clearing her throat she began, "Wow, what can I say? The four years I spent here were amazing. From getting into trouble countless times with my best friends, to scoring a 1900 on the SATS, this school has become my home. Seriously, it really has. And now that I'm going off to Dartmouth, and leaving my friends behind…I will still carry the warm memories with me. I will still cherish them, and I will still love them. Because this was my home and those two people right over there…" she pointed right at Derek and Mark, "Are my family."

* * *

"The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point…" Meredith's eyes wandered around the wide OR and everything seemed so surreal. She couldn't believe she had made it this far. She was going to be a surgeon, a SURGEON! Closing her eyes, she envisioned all of the amazing procedures she would perform and the countless lives she would save. Suddenly, her day dreaming was interrupted by the chief's hard voice. "This is your arena, say hello to your completion." As she looked around the room she spotted two faces in the distance. They were guys, definitely…but they looked so familiar, _too_ familiar. 

"NO MARK I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!" she heard a tall, blonde yell across the room.

"Oh my God," she muttered to myself. "MARK SLOAN?!"

He looked up and immediately returned the shocked look on her face. "Meredith Grey?!" he exclaimed. He then ran up and hugged her, ignoring all the lingering and questioning eyes. She let her eyes drift back to Derek who was smiling in the distant.

She couldn't believe it. The two men who she had grown up with were here, as interns, with _her_?! This had to be a dream! But in the midst of everything, this feeling overwhelmed her stomach when Marked hugged her and Derek smiled at her…and she had no idea what it was.

* * *

**A/N: Okay so I know it's choppy, but I had to tell a bit of the story. It will get better…a lot better, I promise. But I need feedback. Continue?**


	2. Chapter 1

_I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you_

"I cannot believe you are an intern!" Meredith exclaimed as she looked Mark up and down. He still looked the same to her. The long, masculine body, tough exterior, piercing eyes…yep, he defiantly still was the Mark Sloan she grew up with.

"And you…wow." Mark stared at her fully grown chest, which for some reason really intrigued him, but he shrugged it off because he was Mark and _any_ girl could turn him on. But still, Meredith? Wow, did she get beautiful.

She shrugged then looked back at Derek who was shuffling his feet in the corner. "Derek, come here!" she yelled across the room.

He looked up then hesitantly walked over. "Hey, Mer…" he said. She smiled but raised her eye brow. "You are not acting very cheery."

"Sorry, I'm just not in the mood."

Mark rolled his eyes. "He got left at the alter."

Meredith's mouth immediately dropped. Derek Shepherd being dumped?! No woman in their right mind would dump a gorgeous, sweet, sensitive guy like him. (Who definitely got a lot hotter over the last 10 or so years)

"Wow, Derek I, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah but its okay…" he grinned, "What are the odds we would pick the same hospital?"

She laughed. "Well you two seem to still be close."

Mark smiled. "We went to the same college, basically lived together…and Derek's mom kind of has a connection to the chief here, so we went for it."

"Well my mom insisted I go into this program. She said all the other ones were horrible."

Mark gave her a flirtatious smile then asked, "How about you come to Joes with us tonight?"

"Me? Tonight?"

"Yeah, our first shift doesn't start till tomorrow…so we could all get drunk and take advantage of each other."

Meredith slapped Mark across the arm. "I thought your irregular hormonal output would've dimmed down by now."

He grinned. "I'm Mark, babe…I don't dim down."

* * *

At Joes, Derek and Mark waited patiently for Meredith to arrive. 

"Dude, can you believe how HOT and sexy Meredith got? Like she was gorgeous in high school but now?! Holy crap!"

Derek nodded. "Yeah, she did get beautiful."

Mark looked at his best friend long and hard. He could tell he was still hurting from Addison leaving him, but the thing was, Mark was hurting too. After all, Addison left Derek to be with him. And he even slept with her before the wedding. Of course, Derek didn't know any of this, and Mark insisted on keeping it this way. What a great friend he was.

"_I'm getting married tomorrow…" Addison repeated for the fifth time as she downed the rest of the tequila from the bottle. "As in, for a lifetime."_

_Mark took another swig of his beer then sat next to Addison, who's long leg were sprawled all over the floor. "Does he know that your up hear drowning your sorrows in tequila?"_

_She shrugged then grabbed the beer bottle from Mark. "He doesn't know anything. He doesn't listen. He thinks we're both totally happy, but I'm not…I don't know. Maybe I don't deserve a guy like Derek."_

_Mark brushed some of her red locks out of her eyes then smiled. "Maybe Derek doesn't deserve a great girl like you. You're beautiful Addison, inside and out. If he doesn't know that, then that's his fault. Not yours."_

_She gave him a small, sad smile. "You've always listened to me."_

_He nodded. "And I will continue to listen."_

_Then without thinking, she leaned in and kissed him. To his total shock, he kissed her back. _

"Mark, how long do you think I'm going to be this depressed?" Derek asked his voice horsed and shaky.

"You just need a girl to get over Addison," Mark suggested. "You're going to be fine man."

"I wish I believed that."

* * *

Meredith gathered her clothes together and sighed in frustration as her roommates looked at her with questioning eyes. "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!" 

"Are you meeting guys?" Izzie asked her voice full of excitement. "Are there two, can I have one?! Please!"

"Wait, I thought you said they were friends?" George asked suspiciously.

"They are friends," Meredith responded, "That are guys."

"Bullshit they're just friends," Izzie laughed. "Wear your mini skirt with that halter top."

"NO!" George interjected, "She'll look too…well, you know."

Meredith smiled. "I'm just going to wear my jeans and a T-shirt."

"EW!" Izzie screamed. "They are not going to like you in _that_!"

"Iz, I don't like them! Well, I do…but only as friends."

George nodded. "That's good."

Izzie shook her head. "Fine, but I still don't believe you are "just friends" with them." She put air quotes around just friends then fell back onto her bed.

Meredith sighed; it was true they were just friends. But, there was a time where she tried to be something more with Derek. Of course, it didn't work out. And of course, Mark never knew.

"_Where are we going?" Meredith laughed as a 16 year old Derek covered her eyes with his hand. _

"_Shut up! You'll ruin the surprise."_

"_Well what is the surprise?"_

_He grinned. "You'll see."_

_He led her onto a large hill, overlooking the busy city of New York. When he finally removed his hand from her eyes, she gasped. "Derek…"_

"_Remember after you saw the Notebook, the one thing you wanted to do was dance in the moonlight with no music?"_

_She nodded, a huge smile invading her face._

"_Well, here we are. Shall we dance?" He held out his hand, and she quickly took it._

"_You've just earned major brownie points."_

_He laughed then pulled her closer to him, allowing her head to rest on his firm chest. _

* * *

Meredith opened the door to Joes then quickly sat down next to Mark and Derek. 

"Hey, straight tequila please." She said to the bartender.

Mark looked at her with amusement. "Straight?! Wow, Grey you have changed."

She stuck her tongue out. "Well I'm not a perfect angel Mark."

"I can see that," He said as he smiled at her.

She could feel her cheeks reddening. Since when did Mark make her blush?

"Is he okay?" she asked, her question directed towards Derek. She had to get off the topic of how much she's changed…it was way too weird, especially with Mark.

He shrugged. "He's Derek…silently brooding."

"Why did she leave?" she asked as she took a sip of her drink.

Mark froze up. "I don't know, I don't think she loved him anymore."

"HELLO! I CAN HEAR YOU!" Derek yelled in Mark's ear. "I'm fine, Mer…I just need to get her off my mind."

"What was her name?" Meredith questioned.

Derek smiled, "Addison."

"That's a pretty name…" Meredith said indifferently. Derek really seemed broken, and whoever this Addison person was, was to blame. She hated her. What kind of person leaves their finance at the alter?!

"You hate her, don't you?" Derek asked with a small smile. "Thanks for hating her, Mer, I mean I'm trying to hate her, and I probably do. I just need to get over the shock of it all."

Meredith placed her hand on his back, then smiled reassuringly. "You'll get over it. You always do." Derek's lips immediately thinned because he knew she was talking about her and him.

"_I don't think we should be doing this…" Derek said one afternoon as Meredith was getting dressed._

"_What do you mean?" she asked._

"_This…" he motioned to the bed. "All of this, I mean…maybe its better we just stay friends."_

_Her eye brows furrowed. "Wait, I don't understand. Yesterday you were telling me how much you loved me and now you are saying you want to break up?!"_

"_Mark doesn't even know about us! Neither do our parents, we can't be honest with them, so why even bother?"_

"_Oh…" realization dawned on her face. "It's because I'm me, right?"_

"_What?!"_

"_Cut the shit Derek, I know why you don't want to do this!"_

"_THEN TELL ME!" He yelled his voice firm._

"_You and Mark are the popular guys, I get it. You have your boys and reputations to live up to and your girlfriends are supposed to be pretty and normal, which I obviously am not with my pink hair and army boots..."_

"_MEREDITH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! We have been best friends since effing eighth grade!"_

"_Yeah _just_ friends, nothing more…"_

_He grew silent. "Do you want more?"_

"_WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING HERE DEREK IF I DIDN'T WANT MORE?!"_

_He tried to speak but no words came out. _

"_You know what, fine I'll leave! Have a nice life jackass!" she screamed before slamming the door in his face._

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so Mark and Addison slept together before Derek's wedding, and that's when Addison left Derek at the alter. But, Derek does not know. And Meredith and Derek tried to have a relationship, but he didn't want to continue it. Why? Well, I can't tell you. But you will find out. And I know this seems really confusing but as I post more chapters you'll see why Derek didn't want to continue the secret fling with Meredith, and how they swore to never talk about it again. So that's just to clarify everything. If you have any questions, just ask. But I promise it'll all make sense. But, you are going to have to review :P**


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